5 Days

On 3/27 CCAI posted that the next batch of referrals were out. The dates included May 26th through May 30th. Another conundrum for you math geniuses out there?...No..even a first grader could tell you, THAT'S 5 FRIGGIN DAYS!!! 5 days, what the hell is the CCAA trying to do to us waiting families? CCAI doesn't even have any LIDs during these 5 days so NO referrals for CCAI this month. I have been trying to digest this tid-bit of info and it's going down like sour milk. In fact, I have been so disgusted and angry that I have not even been able to post this update.
What this means, in a nut shell, is that we may never get our referral. Ok, maybe that's a little overboard but it has taken 3 effing months to get May referred and the 31st is still dangling out there and unreferred. These referrals are for families who were logged in in May of 2005. We were logged in in September of 2005. That is 3 whole months that have to be referred before they get to September. If the CCAA continues at the current pace of 3 months to refer 1 months worth of LIDs then that is 9 months from now before we could see our baby girl's face and 10-11 months before we could kiss it. Everyone seems to think that will not be the case but how am I to think any differently? Is anyone (CCAI or the CCAA) giving us any kind of explanation? NO! CCAI has posted on their web site that current wait times are approximately 10 months. Where do they get that number? Do they know something they aren't telling us? Are they just arbitrarily pulling a number out of their ass? I am not angry at our agency (CCAI). I realize that they are at the mercy of the Chinese government(CCAA). But I just don't understand how things can move along at the same rather predictable pace for more than 2 years and then, with no rhyme or reason (or explained rhyme or reason) the timeline nearly doubles. The amount of dossiers received and logged in has not doubled. When we signed the contract we totaly understood that it could be unpredictable and crazy. But what we didn't know was that we would just have to ride it out with no explaination of a nearly double timeframe.
Maybe I need to make a public apology to everyone who decided to try to grow or start their family through China at the same time as we did. It has obviously never been in the cards for us. For whatever reason, we who have nothing but a wonderful home and family full of love and possibility for a child, are being denied that which is allowed for even the most heinous of people. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??? Time and time again we are shot down. Month after month for oh, 5-6 years now our hopes are shattered in the blink of an eye. Thank you very much, I'll just go to work and take care of that crack head's beautiful drug addicted baby. No, I'm not bitter....
On the brighter side, the CCAA has finished the review of dossiers received in August. What I gather (I have to "gather" since I can't get concrete info) from that is that they are reviewing September (that's us) now. Or at least, we're next. I guess that is supposed to mean that they are moving forward, be it at a snails pace, they are moving.
Somehow I'm supposed to find some solace in that, and the fact that "it will happen" and "it will be the perfect baby at the perfect time". I know I've said it before but until that girl is ours, not just in our hearts but in our tight, loving grasp will I be content to believe "it will happen". Until then we'll wait cluelessly because that is what we have paid for and are expected to do.
This should not be this hard.